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1. PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING Randy Wilhelm 2. Communicating Effectively with your Children ◦ Parent effectiveness training (PET) created by Dr. Thomas Gordon shows…
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  • 2. Communicating Effectively with your Children ◦ Parent effectiveness training (PET) created by Dr. Thomas Gordon shows parents how to: ◦ Avoid being a permissive parent ◦ How to listen so kids will talk to you and talk so kids will listen to you ◦ How to teach your children to “own” their problems and to solve them ◦ How to use the “No-Lose” method to resolve conflicts
  • 3. PET utilizes the behavior window ◦ The behavior window allows the parent to know when to “own” the problem and when their kids “own” the problem ◦ The parent accepts the behavior when the parent does not react to the situation. Here, the parent gives listening skills and the child is owning the problem. ◦ When there is a problem, the parent is to own the problem, and the parent confronts the child. ◦ When there is no problem, the situation allows for growth in the relationship. ◦ When the child is accepted, it gives them the chance to grow.
  • 5. When we OWN the problem When the Child Owns the problem When the Parent Owns the problem Child initiates communication Parent is the listener Parent is a counselor Parent wants to help child Parent is a “sounding board” Parent facilitates child’s finding own solution Parent accepts child’s solution Parent is primarily interested in child’s needs Parent is more passive Parent initiates communication Parent is the sender Parent is an influencer Parent wants to help herself Parent wants to “sound off” Parent has to find her own solution Parent must be satisfied with solution herself Parent is primarily interested in her own needs Parent is more assertive
  • 6. PET teaches to utilize communication ◦ Active listening ◦ Door openers ◦ Avoidance of “YOU” messages and utilization of “I” messages
  • 7. How should you not communicate? The 12 roadblocks often say something about the child. These ways of responding are potentially “non-therapeutic” or “destructive.” ◦ 1.Ordering, directing, commanding. ◦ 2. Warning, admonishing, threatening. ◦ 3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching. ◦ 4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions. ◦ 5. Lecturing, teaching, giving logical arguments. ◦ 6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming. ◦ 7. Praising, agreeing. ◦ 8. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming. ◦ 9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing. ◦ 10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting. ◦ 11. probing, questioning, interrogating. ◦ 12. Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, diverting.
  • 8. What can happen if you use the 12 roadblocks? The child may display: ◦ Resistance, defiance, rebellion, negativism ◦ Resentment, anger, hostility ◦ Aggression, retaliation, striking back. ◦ Lying, hiding feelings, ◦ Blaming other, tattling, cheating. ◦ Dominating, bossing, bullying. ◦ Needing to win, hating to lose. ◦ Forming alliances, organizing against parents ◦ Submission, obedience, compliance ◦ Apple-polishing, courting favor ◦ Conformity, lack of creativity, fear of trying something new, requiring prior assurance of success ◦ Withdrawing, escaping, fantasizing, regression
  • 9. For more information…. This presentation only showed a glimpse of what Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon consists of. For more information, visit
  • 10. References Gordon, T. (2000). Parent effectiveness training: The proven program for raising responsible children. New York: Three Rivers Press.
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